


Moving Forward, One Step at a Time

by sam_gamgee



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-10-21
Updated: 2007-10-21
Packaged: 2017-11-11 03:17:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/473920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sam_gamgee/pseuds/sam_gamgee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Things would be okay.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Moving Forward, One Step at a Time

John felt the bed dip behind him and a moment later a strong arm came around his waist and pulled him close. “You’re home late,” he said sleepily as he turned on his back and gave Carson a smile.

“I know. I’m sorry, love. I got caught up in my research.” He bent down and kissed John languidly and nudged a knee between John’s legs.

“Missed you today – had to train,” John gasped and rocked against Carson’s leg, “– new arrivals.”

“Aye, I saw. Wanted to take you right then and there,” Carson murmured in his ear before kissing John’s neck.

John moaned, the thought arousing him even more. “Fuck me,” he gasped.

Carson bit John at the juncture of his neck and shoulder. “Be glad to, love.”

Carson grabbed the lube from underneath the pillow and slicked his fingers. He carefully worked in first one finger, then a second, and finally a third finger, all the while drawing gasps and moans from John as he stretched and prepared him. When John was writhing on the bed, hands fisting the sheets, Carson withdrew his fingers and replaced them with his cock, sliding home a little more forcefully than he had intended, but it made John gasp and shudder. Once they both acclimated to the feel, Carson started thrusting in and out with a comfortable rhythm, but it didn’t last long as need and desire overtook them and soon he was thrusting in and out with quick, sharp strokes, each time aiming for John’s prostate and John was thrusting back – meeting him halfway each time. Wanting them to both come at the same time, Carson reached between them and began jerking John off with quick, short strokes. John gasped and arched more fully against Carson – trapping hand and cock between them. The sensory overload finally caused John to come seconds before Carson himself did. Afterwards, they cuddled together, sated and happy, and soon drifted off to sleep.

The next morning, Carson was gone by the time John woke up, but John didn’t think much of it. Many times Carson was up and gone before him if there was an emergency or if he was itching to get into the lab for a bit. Then he remembered that it was their mandatory day off and that Carson and Rodney were supposed to go fishing. Figuring that they had already left, he rolled over and allowed himself the luxury of sleeping in.

“What’s this?” John asked, asked at breakfast, picking up a small Ancient artifact.

“We’re not quite sure yet,” Rodney replied as it lit up. “I just happened to have it on me when I came to the mess hall. So, please, be careful.”

“Don’t worry, I feel a little warm and tingly, but otherwise nothing,” John replied and then it shut itself off. “Battery must be low.”

“Well, we should be able to still run some tests on it,” Rodney replied, snatching it back. “And hopefully it’s not the power source.”

******

“What do you mean I’m pregnant?”

“Exactly what I said, Lieutenant Colonel,” Dr. Keller replied calmly as John pulled his t-shirt on and tucking it in before buckling his weapons belt. “It’s the only thing that can account for all your symptoms and explain the two embryos.”

John’s eyebrows shot up. “Two? You’re sure?”

“Yes, and they’re both healthy. I’d ask what happened two months ago,” John looked away and she continued with, “but given that this is Atlantis…” She trailed off. “Did you want to set up a date to terminate?”

John blinked and looked back at her as if she was crazy. “How long before I start showing?”

Keller gave him a confused look and said, “Another two months – maybe three.”

John nodded and hopped off the table. “Thanks, Doc.” He clapped her on the shoulder. “I need to go see Elizabeth.” John clicked his comm link as he strode out of the infirmary, and said, “Elizabeth? I need to talk to you.”

“Sure, John,” came her easy reply. “How soon can you be in my office?”

“A minute or two.”

When he arrived, she had him sit and asked, “So…?”

“I’m pregnant,” he said without preamble. “I don’t know how it happened, I know who the… other father is, and I’d like to keep the babies.”

Elizabeth’s eyebrows shot up into her hairline and she was silent for a few moments. “I honestly don’t know where to begin with that statement, John,” she finally managed. “While I’m willing to overlook any number of things for the good of the mission, others may not be so willing to do so. And if there’s something out there that has the ability to make people pregnant, regardless of their gender, the population of Atlantis could soon get out of hand. And if you’re weighed down by children – even one – it could seriously jeopardize your position as both a team leader and as the military head of this expedition. How many are we talking about exactly?”

“Two – a boy and a girl.”

“And you know this how?”

“Dr. Keller checked me out and told me that there are two in there. And I’m fairly certain that it’s a boy and a girl. Boys run in his family and girls in mine.”

Elizabeth sighed. “Now, I’m going not ask you who the other father is or how exactly this happened. But what do you propose we do about this?”

John shrugged. “I have no idea.” He absently rubbed his stomach. “I just don’t want to give them up.”

Elizabeth nodded. “The parent-child bond can be a very powerful thing. I want you to promise me, though, John, that you will think long and hard about this and be completely certain of your decision. No one will blame you if you end up deciding to either terminate the pregnancy or give the children to one of the Athosian families instead of keeping them.”

Though his eyes said different, John replied evenly, “I promise.”

******

“As far as we’ve been able to ascertain, it’s a fertility enhancer,” Radek told Elizabeth.

“And there’s not much in the database,” Rodney continued, “so it either wasn’t widely used, or this was just a prototype.”

“And what happened to John…?” Elizabeth prompted.

“Won’t happen again – and hasn’t been able to. After Sheppard touched it and it turned on, he said it made him feel ‘tingly’ and then it shut itself off after approximately five seconds. We figured it wasn’t a priority, since it didn’t appear to do much – if anything – and we’re just getting to it now.”

“Dr. Keller has been monitoring John closely since he first went to her,” Radek added, “and she says that both John and the twins are all very healthy and right where they should be if it were a normal pregnancy. But as to *how* it happened – that we haven’t been able to determine. As far as we can figure, the device told his body to make the necessary changes so it could sustain life.”

“Which is really radical and probably why we couldn’t find more information on it,” Rodney supplied.

Elizabeth nodded. “And, John, have you changed your mind?”

John shook his head. “I’m having these babies.”

By the end of the meeting, John felt as if he was going crazy. The past few weeks since he started having the pregnancy symptoms, then finding out he was pregnant had been insane. Everyone kept asking if he was going to keep the babies and when he was going to terminate – as if they didn’t believe that he would actually go through with taking them to term.

As soon as he was out the door, John took off – running as if his life depended on it. He finally had to stop down at the Southwest Pier and once outside, he gulped in the salty air as if it was the last he’d ever breathe. Harnessing his anger and frustration, he turned and smashed his fist into the side of the building. He kept doing it over and over with both hands, roaring as he did so, until his knuckles were bloody and throbbing and he was worn out.

John slid down the wall into a heap, grasping for a handhold against the slick façade, then hitting it weakly with his palm, gasping for air as the sobs came. Once the initial deluge was over, John hiccupped and the words came.

“Why can’t I hate you for leaving me, Carson? I was willing to give up love and a family because I needed to fly, but then you came along with your blue eyes, disarming smile, and that accent that sent chills down my spine every time I heard it. You wormed your way in and made me love you and now I’d give anything to be with you. I’d even give up flying.” He smashed his palm against the wall again. “I just want you back, babe. I want us to be a family.”

******

Once John had emptied himself on the Southwest Pier, he felt a strange sort of calm descend over him and he strode purposefully back to his quarters, where he started drafting plans for the rest of his pregnancy, as well as the first few months of the babies’ lives (with an occasional judicious check on the Atlantean intranet to make sure he was getting things right). As soon as he finished, he sent it to Elizabeth and Dr. Keller – he couldn’t bring himself to call her Jennifer no matter how many times she asked – for their approval and for suggestions for implementation.

They only had a few minor tweaks – Elizabeth wanted more time on Atlantis from his self-imposed exile on the mainland, even in the third trimester, and Dr. Keller wanted him to be in regular radio contact and to check in with her every time he was in the city. And as he started showing more, they eased into his plans – his team was put on stand down so that Rodney could deal with a backlog of work, Teyla could spend more time dealing with some sensitive issues among her people, and John could help with the backlog of runs to the mainland as well as paperwork that the IOA was calling for.

And, as John had suspected, as he started showing, rumors started going around. His team, Elizabeth, Radek, and Dr. Keller were understandably tight-lipped about what was going on and, thankfully, most people were content with gossip.

John couldn’t help but laugh at some of the gossip that made the rounds. The explanations were so outlandish, he doubted anyone actually believed them. And if it kept people from learning the truth, all the better.

He was surprised, however, at how his team closed rank around him. They made sure he slept and ate regularly and kept all his appointments with Keller (he had been tempted to skip a few). And one of them was always around to keep him company. Ronon would either polish his knives or guns unobtrusively or go over training schedules and from time to time tell John stories of Sateda. Rodney would usually bring his laptop and work on typing up reports and sometimes they’d play hooky and watch a movie or play a game. And Teyla usually co-piloted with him on the runs, keeping him occupied on the return trips with stories from Athosian history as well as more recent gossip.

What he tried to not let them see was how much he was hurting. He had known from almost the beginning that Carson was The One. And he had been pleased and surprised when Carson told him he felt the same way. The past three years had been heaven for them, even with the routine scares and arguments about intentionally putting oneself at risk. Losing Carson in something so mundane had hit harder than if it had been at the hand of a Wraith or in the field. John had also believed that he would be the first to go – not that he wished that on Carson, it just seemed like the odds were stacked against him more.

He knew everyone meant well when they mentioned moving on. But they didn’t understand that he couldn’t. As much as he and Carson had downplayed their relationship to everyone else, they had been in it for the long haul. John knew there was no way he’d be able to move on from that. But he was able to make do and most days that was enough.

When it came time for the babies to be delivered, all three of them went to the infirmary with him as if it was the most natural thing in the world. The Caesarean section went off without a hitch and soon John was resting in a recovery bay with an amused Ronon and an amazed Rodney each holding a sleeping baby and Teyla sitting beside him.

John was suddenly overwhelmed with love for these people – his family. They had stepped in when he had needed them most (even if he hadn’t realized it) and for that he would be eternally grateful.

******

“Tell us about our other Daddy, Daddy,” Sarah said as she situated herself in John’s lap.

“What did you want to know?” he asked as he set his book aside and put his right arm around Michael, who nestled next to him. And for a moment he wondered where the past six years had gone. And no matter how many times people told him the twins looked like him, all John saw when he looked at them was Carson (though he had to admit that Michael’s hair *was* ever so slightly starting to look like his).

“You loved him, right?” Michael asked.

“I did,” John said with a nod. “I loved him a lot.”

“Did it hurt when he went away?” Sarah asked.

“It hurt very much,” John said, hugging her with his left arm and pulling Michael a little closer. “Sometimes it still does because I miss him and wish he was still here with us. He would have loved you two munchkins.”

“Is that why you cry and yell sometimes?” Michael asked.

“Shh,” Sarah said. “Daddy’s not supposed to know.”

“You guys hear me?” John asked, worried.

“Sometimes,” Sarah said and they both looked guilty.

John sighed and kissed the tops of their heads. “I’m sorry if I worried you.”

“Tell us how you and Daddy met,” Michael suddenly prompted.

“Again?” John asked with a smile and they both nodded vigorously. “Well. We had found an outpost of Atlantis back on Earth and I had to take someone really important to see it. On the way, we almost got hit by this thing that looked like a glowing, flying squid.” The kids giggled. “But we stopped it from hurting us. Once we got there, I was looking around while he talked to the people in charge and I sat down in a really nice chair like the one we have here. Next thing I knew, I was reclining back and all sorts of lights were coming on and your daddy was there freaking out and all sorts of people were swarming around me.”

“Including Uncle Rodney,” Michael said with a smile.

“Including Uncle Rodney,” John replied with a smile. “Apparently, I had a very special talent – just like the two of you have and your daddy had. After I got home, I couldn’t stop thinking about your daddy. He had very blue eyes and a really nice smile when he wasn’t flustered and he sounded like Dr. MacDonald. And when I got asked to join this group – he was one of the reasons I said yes.”

“Did you two fall in love right away?” Sarah asked. John chuckled – he had to tell Teyla and Sam to stop telling her stories.

“I did – even though my bosses – but not Aunt Elizabeth – didn’t think I should –”

“The meanies!” Michael exclaimed.

“Yes, they were. But I didn’t care – I knew I wanted him. Your daddy took a bit more convincing.” John’s chest tightened at all the memories.

“Did you write him letters like we do?” Sarah asked.

“Not quite. But I did ask him a lot to do things with me. And after a while, he started saying yes. And one day he kissed me.”

“Was it romantic?” Sarah asked.

“Not really. We had just finished fighting some very scary monsters and we were both very glad the other was okay.”

The door chimed and John easily thought it open as the kids scrambled off the bed and out into the living room to see who it was. Shrieks of “Uncle Ronon!” floated back to John as he got off the bed after taking a moment to collect himself. He whispered, “I love you,” before going to greet Ronon.

“We’re going to the mainland,” Ronon said, “and wanted to know if you three wanted to come.”

The twins, who were wrapped around Ronon’s legs looked at John pleadingly and asked, “Can we? Can we?”

“Sure,” John replied. “But you’ve got to put your shoes on first.” They complained, but did as he said.

“Were they asking again?” Ronon asked when they were out of earshot.

“Yeah,” John replied.

“I think they’d understand if you found someone else,” Ronon said. “And you know Carson would want you to be happy.”

“I am happy,” John replied. Under Ronon’s look, he added, “Most of the time. The kids make me happy. Besides, I don’t know if I could stand it again.”

Ronon clasped his shoulder in understanding as the kids ran back out into the living room. “Ready?” Ronon asked, picking them up and swinging them around and they shrieked.

John followed them out into the hallway. He couldn’t help but smile as he watched his kids shriek and laugh as Ronon carried them, one under each arm, down the hall towards the jumper bay. Things would be okay.  



End file.
